Friday, February 6, 2009

Don't Tell Kenny Loggins You Love "The Gambler"

If ever you find yourself in an elevator in Century City and realize you're standing next to Kenny Loggins, here are a few helpful hints:
  • Do not tell him you love "The Gambler."
  • When he asks, incredulously, "What did you say?" do not reply, "You know … 'The Gambler' … 'On a warm summer's eve…' Fuckin' classic."
  • Do not be surprised when he says in response, "That's Kenny Rogers, you doucher."
  • If he pulls out a Best Pop Vocal Grammy for "This Is It," points at the engraving and says, "Read that back to me. What does that say?" do as he says. Read it aloud.
  • Do not snort after he asks, "Gonna ask me about Six Pack next? Goon."
  • VERY IMPORTANT: Do not apologize for your error as this will only fuel his indignation and produce comments such as: "You want to know the difference between Kenny Loggins and Kenny Rogers? How many Kenny Rogers hits did Kenny Rogers write? Yeah. And how many Kenny Loggins hits did Kenny Loggins write? Exactly. You go up to Kenny Rogers and say, "'Nightwatch'?… Killer stuff." That's an upgrade. Kenny Rogers gets an instant upgrade. You confuse me with Kenny Rogers … that's a kick in the taint. Seriously. This one isn't on Kenny Loggins … this one's on you."
  • And, lastly, do not perform the Caddyshack gopher dance behind his back as he's exiting the elevator.


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Springsteen Hastily Reworks Super Bowl Setlist During 2nd Quarter

Bruce Springsteen was thrown into a panic on Sunday when he and the E-Street Band arrived at Tampa Bay's Raymond James Stadium late in the second quarter and saw the size of the venue in which they were to perform.

"As everyone knows, I'm most comfortable in an intimate setting," said Springsteen. "Imagine my surprise when Roy [Bittan, pianist] pulled the van up to this monstrosity and said, 'Well, folks, unless Google Maps is dead wrong, this is it.'"

According to Springsteen, the original set list included "Mary Queen of Arkansas," and a suite of songs from Devils and Dust. The closer was to be "This Hard Land" from his 1998 closet-cleaning box set Tracks.

"The original plan was to go all acoustic. Thank goodness Max was already out in the parking lot tailgating with Conan and those guys. It was just dumb luck that he had drums in his camper at all."

While The Boss still questions whether or not "Glory Days" was "the exact right song" to pull out during a sporting event,
he's thankful that the gospel choir he ran into backstage agreed to join him on "Working On A Dream."

"I'm telling you, if the Cardinals didn't ask to review that James Harrison interception right before the half, I don't think we would have had time to teach it to them."

Going forward, Springsteen's wife/road manager Patti Scialfa has vowed to do a better job obtaining more specific information concerning venue. Next up for the E-Streeters is a battle of the bands at SeƱor Taco's in Warrensburg, Missouri.