Tuesday, June 1, 2010

All-Purpose Cover Letter

To: Big Time Publisher
Re: My Kickass Manuscript

Dear Person Who Couldn't Care Less But Should:

You don't know me, but I'm awesome. Me me me. Awesome awesome awesome. You should buy my shit and sell it and we'll both make gobs of money.

So-and-so thinks I'm awesome. Don't believe me? Check out WRITTEN PROOF OF MY AWESOMENESS enclosed herein.

I'm sure you get letters everyday from people telling you how awesome they are. Well, I can assure they're not. In fact, those people are dicks. How do I know? Look at my shit (and how awesome it is) then compare it to their shitty shit.

Case closed.

Don't be like that guy who didn't sign The Beatles when he had a chance. That guy fucked it big time and you will fuck it even BIGGER time if you don't take me on today.

Did I mention I'm awesome?

Do me a favor ... take all that other shit on your desk and light it on fire. Right now. DO IT. Now cut me a big check that says "For awesomeness" on the memo line.

Thank you in advance for your consideration.


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