Look, I don't want to tell you how to live your life. Obviously, you're a smart guy. You've travelled. In fact, you appear to be a scholar of some sort, right? Seems you spend a lot of time at the museum. That's neither here nor there.
My point is, you're not an idiot.
That being the case, I need you to help me understand what you're doing with that monkey. I've got nothing against monkeys, per se. I get that they're cute, they're playful. And yours in particular—I'm not saying he doesn't make me laugh—but all too often I see him get these really bad ideas, and you never seem to be around to staighten him out.
I don't mean to imply that you're completely neglectful. It's true, eventually, you turn up and make things right, which, believe me, is appreciated. But if you know that the monkey has bad ideas ... if you know he likes to start trouble ... why leave him unattended as often as you do?
Cognitively, where would you say a monkey stacks up against a human kid? I'm asking. Probably not a teenager, right? I'm guessing a monkey, on a good day, is operating at around the same level as a four year old. A four year with language deficiencies. That’s fair, right?
Okay, so, let's say I, myself, am living with a four year old with language deficiencies ... am I letting this kid walk down to the donut shop by himself? Am I letting him wander around a working farm unattended? Am I leaving him at the edge of a pond with a bag of marshmallows while I'm off working on my big speech to the museum’s board of directors or whatever?
I'm sure you love your job. And I have little doubt that you love your monkey. But seriously … somebody's going to wind up hurt. I don't think anybody wants to see that.
No, I'm not making a threat! I'm trying to help! Your monkey is out of control! He goes wherever he wants! He gets into everything! If he's a pet, he needs to be on a leash! If he's your son, then you need to be his goddam father and keep an eye on him!
I'm sorry to raise my voice, but this is kind of a sore spot with me. Why? Oh, I don't know, maybe because a certain monkey broke into my ice cream store after hours, ate an entire tub of Dutch Almond Fudge, then used the empty container to build a robot. And it's not like I'm out a single tub of ice cream. I don't think it would be very responsible of me to go selling ice cream that most likely had a monkey crawling all over it.
Ultimately, that's what I'm talking about ... responsibility. I don't want to get all up in your grill. I don't want to be a NARC about it. I just need you to take stock and understand that your monkey, while cute, is kind of running amok.
Are we good here?
Now, what can I get you? Cup or cone?
My point is, you're not an idiot.
That being the case, I need you to help me understand what you're doing with that monkey. I've got nothing against monkeys, per se. I get that they're cute, they're playful. And yours in particular—I'm not saying he doesn't make me laugh—but all too often I see him get these really bad ideas, and you never seem to be around to staighten him out.
I don't mean to imply that you're completely neglectful. It's true, eventually, you turn up and make things right, which, believe me, is appreciated. But if you know that the monkey has bad ideas ... if you know he likes to start trouble ... why leave him unattended as often as you do?
Cognitively, where would you say a monkey stacks up against a human kid? I'm asking. Probably not a teenager, right? I'm guessing a monkey, on a good day, is operating at around the same level as a four year old. A four year with language deficiencies. That’s fair, right?
Okay, so, let's say I, myself, am living with a four year old with language deficiencies ... am I letting this kid walk down to the donut shop by himself? Am I letting him wander around a working farm unattended? Am I leaving him at the edge of a pond with a bag of marshmallows while I'm off working on my big speech to the museum’s board of directors or whatever?
I'm sure you love your job. And I have little doubt that you love your monkey. But seriously … somebody's going to wind up hurt. I don't think anybody wants to see that.
No, I'm not making a threat! I'm trying to help! Your monkey is out of control! He goes wherever he wants! He gets into everything! If he's a pet, he needs to be on a leash! If he's your son, then you need to be his goddam father and keep an eye on him!
I'm sorry to raise my voice, but this is kind of a sore spot with me. Why? Oh, I don't know, maybe because a certain monkey broke into my ice cream store after hours, ate an entire tub of Dutch Almond Fudge, then used the empty container to build a robot. And it's not like I'm out a single tub of ice cream. I don't think it would be very responsible of me to go selling ice cream that most likely had a monkey crawling all over it.
Ultimately, that's what I'm talking about ... responsibility. I don't want to get all up in your grill. I don't want to be a NARC about it. I just need you to take stock and understand that your monkey, while cute, is kind of running amok.
Are we good here?
Now, what can I get you? Cup or cone?
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