U.S. Economy Acting Really Weird

Maybe it's me, but I'm starting to think there's something wrong with the U.S. economy. Have you guys noticed? It keeps stomping around from room to room, turning off all the lights, grumbling stuff like, "You people think I'm made of money?"

Yesterday afternoon while looking for a snack, the economy came up behind me and slammed the refrigerator door shut. "Think about what you want before you even touch the handle," it said. Then it stormed off muttering something about "not paying to cool the whole damn planet."

Do you remember how the economy always used to keep a pot of coffee going in the kitchen near the reception desk? Well, the coffee's still there, but now there's a jar next to it with a little sign: "Take a cup, leave a quarter, coffee isn't free."

That was it for me. I went by the economy's office, fully intending to get into it, but when I got there everything was dark, and the economy was just sitting there, staring at its computer – the monitor wasn't even on! And I can't say for sure, but the economy's eyes looked really red, almost like it had been crying. Maybe it just hasn't been sleeping, but, either way, the whole scene sufficiently freaked me out, and I just kept walking.

I'm thinking about asking the economy if it wants to grab some lunch at Uno's. Maybe it'll be more willing to talk in a more relaxed environment. Or maybe I should just keep my head down, keep my mouth shut, and wait for things to blow over.

I've never been all that close to the economy, but it's tough to see it in pain. Of course, it didn't really give a shit about me when I got sick and couldn't make my credit card payment.

You know what? F it. I'm not the economy's mama. If it wants to talk, it knows where I sit.
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